Cleveland's "Fabulous" Food Show

***UPDATED AT BOTTOM OF POST***

Two months ago, I checked out the website for information on this Fabulous Food Show and I could not wait for this weekend to finally get here. My idol, the love of my life, the apple of my eye, the butter in all that is holy, Paula Deen was going to be there!! And if that wasn't enough to get my britches into a bunch well, Tyler Florence being there too sure did the trick! He's so dreamy *drool*

Two months ago I asked dear Hubbs if he'd take me for my birthday and he agreed. Bless his cotton socks! I sent an e-mail telling a couple of my friends who also get into all things foodie, and they were just as excited at the prospect of seeing this Fabulous food show we've all heard about for many years but never made it to. Last year I missed Alton Brown and I was bummed.. this year I was NOT going to miss my Paula OR the hunky Tyler. NO fakkin' way, my friends.. No Fakkin' Way.

And so it was settled. Hubbs, myself, Min and Cin were going to the food show - Yay! So I checked in on the website periodically for more information on what vendors and attractions were going to be there, I probably read that website 20 times before the day we decided to buy the tickets. We really didn't want to buy them 2 months ahead.. I mean, that's two months. Lots of stuff could happen in two months. The day we decided to buy our tickets was 4 weeks before the show. Being the saavy computer geek that I am, I volunteered to buy them online and print them out for everyone. I'm nice like that. I got out my shiny credit card and sat down in front of my PC and typed in the addie for the website that, by then, I knew by heart. I clicked on the button to "Buy Your Tickets Now!" and even before the whole page was loaded I clicked on my sweet southern gal's name and then clicked on her first show of the day for Saturday, November 11th. You see, I'd made about 4 dry runs before the actual ticket buying day. I knew that I had to click on the show I wanted to see as the first step in the ticket buying process. I knew!

Here's what I didn't know. Thanks to absolutely no mention of it on the site. Not only are you buying your ticket for entrance into the Fabulous Food Show, you are also buying your seat to the show you want to see. It's not all general admission. "Huh.", I said to myself.. and continued on past the show time page to the seat arrangement page. "Huh?", I said to myself again, when I saw that there were no available seats. "Well that sucks", I muttered to myself as I clicked on the back button to choose her next slated show time of the day (there were 3). "The hell??", I wondered out loud as that show had no available seats either. Back button again.. choose her last show of the day and guess what? Sold. The. Fuck. Out. (*@)#*$!!!! Pardon my French. Okay then, guess we'll go on Sunday. But nooooooooooooo that would be too EASY. You see she's headed to whereeverthehell she's headed to after her last show on Saturday. She no be there on Sunday, sucka!! I might have teared up a lil when I saw she wasn't even going to be there. *sob*

Well all was not lost. Thank God. I could still go see the very hunky and slightly pudgy (I heart his love handles) Tyler's show AND get my books signed by my lurve, Paula, at the Sur La Table's Celebrity Book Signing Pavilion!! HOOO-RAY!!! This surely had to be Fate! or Grand Luck! I'll get to be near BOTH of them. Party on, Wayne! Party on, Garth! Schawinnnnnnggg! So they didn't have 4 seats even remotely next to each other for Tyler's show.. that didn't matter now. Now all that mattered was that I was going to see him up close and personal, making magic in the Main Kitchen Stadium Pavilion! And then? And then I was going to get my THREE books signed (I chickened out on my original idea of bringing a pound of butter for her to sign) by Paula. Life is good. :D

So last night I stayed up super late (11:30!) and made my French Toast with Apples and Raisins Casserole, so it could soak up all it's custardy goodness over night. I set the table for my guests and I chopped up some onions and red peppers for Hubbs' awesome Eggy, Potatoey, Sausagy, Oniony, Peppery, Cheesy bake thingie he was going to make. I crawled (almost literally) into bed and fell asleep immediately dreaming wonderfully erotic dreams of Tyler's love handles, butter and giving birth to Paula's children.

Yeah. Don't ask.

I woke this morning with a spring in my step (I tripped over a dog toy) and a smile on my face! I made the coffee and caught up on a couple e-mails, then woke Hubbs and realized we only had an hour before Min and Cin were due - so I, as always, went into panic mode to get his Eggy, Potatoey blah blahy bake finished and my arse into the shower. They came.. we ate, it was wonderful.. hadda go - gonna be late for Tyler's show!!

As soon as we got there we heard a crowd cheering and we realized that Paula had just taken the stage for her first show. Although quite envious of those people, I had a mission - to figure out where the hell the stage was for Tyler's show and where the hell the Sur La Table's Celebrity Book Signing Pavilion! was, so I knew where my landmarks were. As we walked around we found the Main Kitchen Stadium Pavilion where Tyler would be without much problem and in plenty of time. He wasn't due for another 45 minutes. Then we found the Sur La Table's Pavilion and we all about dropped a load in our pants. There ALREADY had to be about 47 KAGILLION people standing in line waiting for Paula. Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME??? Pardon my French again. That's when, my friends, my attitude went sour real quick. Not only would I not be able to see her show, now there was no doubt in my mind that I will not be getting my books signed by her in this lifetime. Hubbs offered to go stand in line while we went to see Tyler's show, but I couldn't let him do that. We'd prolly see Tyler's show and walk around for another 3 hours and he'd still be in line. I was not a happy camper. Yes, I prolly should have put a lil more thought into the day. Paula is quite the popular gal right now, I should have known (especially after seeing how her shows were sold out) there'd be a huge crowd at the book signing pavilion as well. I blame myself. But I also blame the fakkin' website. They should have put in GIANT LETTERS that the shows were NOT general admission. Fakky McBastards.

We went and saw Tyler - he did put on a great show and he looked simply scrumptious.. he made a cream of cauliflower soup, followed by a clams and pasta dish topped off with a lemony custard and macerated berry dessert. Everything went off without a hitch and he was very warm and hospitable and quite charming and funny. He played up the crowd and introduced his sous chef and had that Jack gal, that hosts "How To Boil Water" with him, come up for a bit. I took many pictures with the crap cam and although I was only probably 100 feet from him, they all turned out blurry and looked as if I was sitting with a better line up of the planets than the stage - but I shall post them at the end.. for anyone who wants to see blurry lil pics of Tyler and his sexiness. =)

After his show we walked around for hours checking it all out. If the disappointment of not being able to see Paula (Oh, btw, I did get to see her.. when she came out on the stage at the book signing thing, I saw her head. It was nice.) hadn't soured my experience with the Fabulous Food Show - the crowd of rude people, the very long lines, the way that you paid $25.00 to get in and yet had to pay extra for any thing you wanted to do inside, that there were probably just as many (if not more) vendors for non-foodie services and products as there were for foodie services and products, and finally, only ONE local restaurant was there representing - did.

The whole experience, except for his show, was over priced and highly disappointing and I doubt I'll ever go back to this again. Unless, of course, Paula comes back next year. And if so, I'll buy my tickets 6 months in advance, camp outside the doors a week before the show and remember to bring that fakkin' pound of butter because I'll want something to sell on E-bay to make up for it all.

Below.. gratuitous, yet crappy, pictures of Tyler:

You can click on each one to see a bigger (blurrier) version if you'd like.

Hi kids. Maybe I'm just super sensitive and taking a couple comments the wrong way, I'm not sure - but I just want to clarify something. In no way, shape, or form was I criticizing Tyler's physique. I find men with a lil meat on their bones to be irresistable. Lemme just tell ya. That man is F.I.N.E., and yes I agree - in person he is so much more dreamier than on TV for sure!

I am over weight - I have been over weight most of my life and there is no way I would ever say anything bad or judgemental about ANYONE with extra pounds. I was simply expressing my admiration of Tyler. I've always found him attractive, I just find him more attractive now as my personal taste in men leans more to the way he looks now. Which is perfect, IMHO. =)

This is just MY personal opinion. So, please, if you did take offense to my comments about his sexy love handles, don't be offended, I didn't mean it in a bad way at all. I'm the last person on the face of the planet that would be judgemental of body weight. Trust me. ;)