Oh. My. God.

What a week I've had. Nigel has been sick with a lower intestinal bacterial infection. My poor sweet little man. :( My plans to try 3 new recipes by Friday certainly did not pan out as I had hoped. Other than Wednesday night, I have been woken up at 3 am by my dogs to some form of nastiness. I am not dissing moms of human babies.. not at all, I totally respect all the hard work it takes in raising children. But being a mom of the four legged, furry variety has been an eye opener, to say the least. I've always had dogs, ever since I was 6. But I've always had my parents and sisters to help deal with the bad stuff that occasionally happens. Nigel, Chloe and Kitten are my first "owners" that I've had since having my own family. And yeah, along with Hubbs, those guys are my family. So a little background here.. those of you who own small dogs probably know that although they are very smart little guys and gals, it's harder and sometimes impossible to train them to go potty outside 100% of the time. Chloe, she'd hold it until the cows came home if she had too - my dear girl learned quick and she learned well. Nig, on the other hand, still can't get it into his cute little head that my walls and my loveseat are not there for him to lift his leg upon on occasion. Since they were puppies, we've crate trained them. When Hubbs is home they both sleep in this giant crate together and all we have to do is open the door and in they go, happily. I'm very pleased about that, as I rarely have to deal with morning messes. Well.. since Hubbs has been away on work, I let the dogs sleep with me - because it makes me feel more safe. In the two months this has been going on, my little angel boy has done so well. I think I've woken up to one mess the whole time - up until this past Tuesday. Tuesday I woke up to "bombs" all over my living room carpet. At first I was mad.. I thought he had just decided that he had to go so he went. So I put them outside and started cleaning the mess. This Tuesday I had a lunch time appointment with the second of three fence companies to give me a quote on tearing out our old and incredibly ugly chain link fence and replacing it with glorious new 6' wood privacy fence, so when I came home for lunch to let my guys out and meet the fence guy, I was assaulted by a stank the minute I opened the door. I knew then that Nigel wasn't being a lil shit (no pun intended) the night before but that he obviously had an upset tummy, because he couldn't even hold it in the crate - dogs will not do their business where they sleep unless they absolutely can't control it. Luckily, I came home a little earlier than my meeting, so I started to clean up the mess in the crate. This involved trying to get the blankets out without uhmm.. letting anything drop to the floor from the crate (in living room) to my laundry room (through dining room and kitchen) or getting anything on myself. Mission accomplished. Now I had to get the liner of the crate out and into the laundry room so I could wash it off. Check. Next was to assess the kids.. because you KNOW they were laying it in. Chloe had managed to mostly steer clear other than stepping in it, but Nigel was covered - so emergency bath was in order. Okay, I've got stanky yet adorable little guy in the sink all soaped up and smelling a lil better. Keep in mind, I've kind of got him in a head lock under my arm preventing him from jumping down to the floor while I clean his little heiney, so I'm pretty much very vulnerable to anything else that might occur around me. As I'm trying to rinse his slippery little body off, I hear the screen door of my slider open up and in comes Chloe (a trick she learned early on *grumble*) leaving big, goofy, Aussie shepard paws covered in poop tracks all over the damn place. So I'm yelling at her to get her ass back outside and I start to kind of panic. My slider is wide open and bitch cat notices. She's an inside cat and normally will not go outside when a door is open. Until today. Today when I have NO TIME to chase her back in the house. Today when I have one hour to get this meeting over with and get my ass back to work because a bid is due this afternoon. Today when I have doggie bodily fluids (yes fluids) to deal with. I wrapped the towel around Nigel, run to the screen door and manage to get a foot in front of the cat before she can go out.. I slam the door shut (not on purpose) just as Chloe decides, "Okay, I'll go back outside now" so she gets crunched by the door (she's fine, it takes more than an aluminum screen door slammed on her arse to hurt her) - which, in turn, knocks the screen off the track. Somehow, I managed to grab it before it fell over and still hold onto Nigel who is dying to get down to "shake it off". Okay.. I position the screen door (one armed) against the house so bitch cat can't get out and Chloe can't nudge it open. Just as I'm taking Nigel into the laundry room to dry him off, the doorbell rings - Oh Yay! Fence guy is 10 minutes early! Perfect! I go to the door, nice fence guy is trying to introduce himself and I'm like.. "nice to meetcha, letcherself in at the gate" and slam the door in his face. I RUN to the laundry room to lock Nigel in until I can get him dry but the lil bugger gets loose from the towel and off he runs straight for the screen door - ramming right into it. Just as fence guy is walking through the gate, the screen door falls flat on my deck with a very loud CLANG. I just stood there. I didn't know what to say. I was soaked at this point, my shirt completely sticking to my rolls. My hair was wet (don't ask) and I knew damn well I smelled of doggie doo stank. Thank goodness the guy was smart enough to try and ignore my appearance and odor. He helped me round up my little "angels" to the laundry room and then he went about his business of measuring. He made it quick and left, promising to fax me a quote the next day. I went back in to dry Nig, clean Chloe's paws and get myself cleaned up before going back to work. That was the worst single hour of my life I think I've ever had. Needless to say, the rest of the week has been mostly the same.. cleaning out crate and carpet and washing dogs. The vet gave me an antibiotic to clear up his infection and some other pills to make him able to hold it. But they haven't kicked in yet. Thursday was divine.. I don't believe it was the pills but a good 24 hours of keeping the food away from him that allowed me a poop free day and a solid night of sleep. But it started back up Friday when I came home from work to another offensive odor and then last night (or shall I say this morning?) at 3 am when Chloe started barking and whining again, waking me up to more fun. Needless to say, I will have to keep Nigel's food intake to a minimum until these meds kick in. Thank God it's Saturday.. I foresee a long bubble bath and a nap in my future!