Garlic Knots with Girth

I had a play-date this past Sunday.. It was with a bunch of my best baking friends, also known as the Bakeanistas. Which is funny all by itself.. we’ve been dubbed the Bakeanistas as if we’re some kind of group or club, but it’s not like that – we’re just a bunch of friends who like to hang out on Skype and bake while gossiping, chatting and pretty much making asses of ourselves. Good times.. good times.. This round of baking was all about garlic knots and gutter minds. And interesting combination, don’t you think? This month’s gang was made up of moi, Sara, Mary, John, Marce, Chris, Helene, Kelly and Tanna. Unfortunately, Ivonne, Laura, Ben, and Stephanie couldn’t join us.. and they were missed. But the rest of these ladies.. holy schnikeys, kids.. what a bunch of dirty birds! Why, I was simply shocked and appalled by their behavior! My virgin ears and eyes will NEVER be the same! Jebus, I look over there and there’s one of ‘em talking about the wine (at 10 in the morning) and the girth of the wine pourer! Over here is another one talking about the girth of the boy toy! Right in front of me there is yet another one spouting off about house hold chores performed by their hubby and how she’s going to feel the girth when she pays back the favor.. I mean.. MYGOD. Buncha hussies, I tell ya. And then there’s me.. sitting there just watching it all, my jaw firmly placed in my lap.. my eyes as big as saucers.. silently praying for my mommy.. it was just shocking. SHOCKING. Well as politely as I could, I excused myself from the group to make the dough for my garlic knots. Mary, our resident bread guru, found another yummy recipe from the fine folks at King Arthur Flour - this time it was Soft Garlic Knots. Although they looked extremely yummable, as we were talking about them, I mentioned that there is an absolutely HORRIBLE little Italian restaurant here in town where the food SUCKS but their garlic knots are TO DIE FOR. How they could strike pure gold with these lil garlicky knots of crispy and soft dough baked to perfection and then strike out so horribly with the rest of their menu, I have no idea.. but that's neither here nor there.. what matters is, while describing them to Mary, she recalled a recipe that she thought would be almost identical to the restaurant's knots.. so I decided to forego KA this time, and go with Bon Appetit's (Saveur) Butterhorn recipe. Everything went really well.. and my dough more than doubled in volume on that first rise.. I punched it down and gave it a few turns, then let it rise again.. then it was time to shape dough balls into knots and although they were very lovely in their poofiness, even though I couldn’t get them to brown – wondering if I should have given them an egg wash before baking? Unfortunately they were nothing like the restaurant’s garlic knots. For what they were though, they were okay. I wasn’t a big fan of the texture.. kinda biscuit-y.. I’m not a biscuit fan, obviously. But Hubbs loved them so they sure won’t go to waste! Believe it or not.. that's a baked knot (slathered in garlic butter) :P The rest of the baking session went from bad to worse.. so being the good and prim lady that I am, I excused myself for the rest of the day as I had my sister coming over for birthday dinner and I wanted to be able to function rather than have my brain rot out from reading their filthiness.. I just thank the baby Jebus that I don’t act the way they do.. sheesh. Okay so maybe this post hasn’t been exactly fair to my cohorts of the kitchen.. my friends.. perhaps I’ve been a little harsh in my reaction to their online shenanigans. But.. well.. they insulted me! Can you believe that?? I’m deeply hurt over what happened and maybe I’ve let that pollute this post.. Dear Readers? (I’m so Stephen King) You help me decide, okay? I sent them all a few lovely photos the next evening.. tasteful photos, I might add. One of which was one of my wedding photos. They all LAUGHED! Now seriously, can you understand why I might be a little miffed? *sniff* Here.. take a look for yourselves.. What?? What THE HELL is so fakkin funny?????? Screw this. I’m going to go find comfort in my Becks’ arms.. he always seems to make me feel better. Whatev. xoxo